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Saturday, February 21, 2009, 10:09 PM
yea, you gotta bleed to know you're alive
it felt like a thousand knifes had pierced through her heart that night, it left a huge hole right in the middle of her delicate organ, the exact place where _ used to be. her life had always revolved around _, and she never imagine the day when it stopped being part of her life.sheisa lay awake in the dark. she wanted to scream, to cry, or maybe laugh, just do something that would fill the emptiness in her heart. she wanted to wrench her aching heart out, pull out strands of her hair or just throw something against the wall. but she couldnt, she couldnt do anything except lay in bed quietly and hope that her sis wouldnt wake up to her soft whimperings. she was suffocating under all these supressed emotions, she was desperate to try to find a way to release them. just then, she felt this cold metal object at her hand, it was the zip of her pillow case. it was cold and hard, just like how her heart had become. she mustered all the strength she thought she needed and started piercing the sharp corner of the zip into her skin. sheisa could not see what damage was done, but she could feel the pain, the pain that was nothing compared to what her heart was experiencing. Monday, January 26, 2009, 10:27 PM
i am going out to see what i can sow.
she looked at herself in the mirror. she couldnt find the pretty jenna they all talked about. she never knew how come everyone else thought she was pretty except herself. but one thing she could see clearly, there was a bump- on her tummy. it could still be passed off as tummy fat, but not for long. jenna circled her hands around her protruding belly, there was a life inside, small, weak, but still a life after all, she was sure she didnt want to harm the tiny body within her tummy, - or did she?.. "i've changed, this time's different Jenna, you're different." Jason always told her that. And foolishly, she believed him. even after all the other girls had warned her, "dont get tricked Jenna. he told us all the same stuff." but blinded by love, jenna thought the other girls were just being jealous, after all, who wouldnt be jealous of the girl who was with the school's cutest guy. Jason had loads of hook-ups before Jenna, but jenna, being naive and innocently gullible, believed whole-heartedly that he'd changed. 'changed for me.' Jenna whispered to herself. 'yea rightt.' he had turned cold towards her ever since she told him she was pregnant; pretended nothing ever happened between them, and even secretly gave her money to get rid of the child. And now? he got together with another girl, jenna couldnt care less who she was, she figured out he wasnt worth the pain anymore. but there was one major problem- the baby. sooner or later, it would be pretty obvious, she already started getting the morning sickness, and her mum said she would bring her to Dr. Hemmings if it didnt get better by saturday. it wouldnt get better til 9 months later, Jenna whimced. or maybe, it would be gone in just a few hours, she crunched the money that Jason had given to her. "should i. or should i not?" Wednesday, December 31, 2008, 12:21 PM
everybody waits for you now,
"this is it." she told herself, she could feel her heart pounding furiously against chest. her head was in a terribly swirl, all those tideous practices, falling down and picking herself up again. she could still remember the first time she skated, how she fell so hard that she almost decided to give up. she could remember the night she stayed up til midnight crying in her pillow cos coach lee had reprimanded her so badly. suddenly a bright flash jolted her back to reality. "and now, let us welcome our last finalist, leenie jean payge." thunderous applause asounded, but leenie could not hear them. her ears were plugged, to prevent her from getting distracted. she looked at the crowd, there was mum, giving her the thumbs up sign, and dad, holding up his video cam-corder, ready to capture his precious daughter in action. and there was coach lee, she remembered at one point how much she hated her, coach lee had always put her down, claiming she was never good enough, and always telling her she needed more hard work. leenie wondered how come she never thought of just quitting, giving up figure-skating, instead she tried even harder, never missing even a single practice, giving in her all. all for this, she was in the finals of the national championships. it was her first time, and many people thought she wouldnt make it this far, boy how surprised they were when her name was announced. leenie closed her eyes for a second, took in a big breath, she glanced upon her coach for that affirming nod, and off she was. like fish to water she moved so gracefully, "skate with your heart leenie, let it come from your heart." as those words echoed in her mind, she closed her eyes and begin to enjoy herself, "dance like nobody's watching." and as she moved to and fro, frolicking on the ice, tears begin to fall from her eyes. she never felt so beautiful before, like a little swan learning to fly, she never felt this way before. and as she ended her item, she could see people applauding her. leenie smiled, she felt that all those tough trainings were so worthwhile, it was worth the pain, the tears, the sorrow. and from the corner of her eye, she saw coach lee wiping away her tears too, she could see the joy hidden behind her dark brown eyes, "yes," she mumbled to herself. "it was worth it."Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 7:01 PM
i cant even see anyone when he's with me
she looked at herself in the mirror. those cold blue eyes stared straight back at her. they seemed to stare through her soul, as if analysing her, scrutinising her life. how did it turn out like this? just one week ago, everything was perfect, her life was back on track. or so it seemed. recollections of the dreadful event flooded her mind, 'why me?' she mumbled, as warm salty tears begin to flow down her cheeks. 'NO, i must not cry, i must be strong" she told herself, even biting her lips til they bled did not help. she could not bear to see herself in the mirror any longer, she looked so much like her, everyone else say so; except just a younger version. a voice broke the continuous chorus of sobs, "anne, your mum wanted you to have these." it was dad. anne wiped her tears away and opened the tattered- looking box. all she could do was sob silently as she held the box to her chest, close to her heart. it was the pair of shoes that she had seen 2 years ago on display in skywayavenue. the one that she wanted so badly but never dreamt of getting them. the one that her mum had saved up for, these 2 years.Monday, May 26, 2008, 6:58 PM
i'd gone so far to please you, but i bet you wouldnt care at all
Tears welled up in her dark brown eyes, they seemed so hard to control. 'No, no tears will fall from my eyes tonight.' She bit hard on her lips, trying to force those tears back down. Her day had been full of ups and downs, she was just so emotionally drained, she wondered where the tears came from. She tried believing in herself, she tried praying to God, but nothing seemed to work out. Was this the way things were meant to be? Was she all set apart for failure? Yea, maybe she was. Maybe she was never meant to win.Tuesday, May 13, 2008, 6:56 PM
my heart's too weak to run for you this long.
The shiny silvery dust shimmered around her. She stretched out her hand and watched them fall unto her palm. They didn't feel like what she had thought they would be. They felt surprisingly soft, just like the fluffy bits of cotton that dropped out of her pillow at home. No, she changed her mind, they felt like snow. Floating down from the heavens above, only to touch her palm and disappear. It felt magical. Absolutely magical. Maybe its pixie dust, she thought. She closed her eyes and made a quiet wish in her heart. 'I wish.... i wish that forever would last for eternity.'Saturday, May 10, 2008, 6:53 PM
& i know i will be okay, though my skies are turning grey.
The moon glistened over the velvet sky. She looked down at her own reflection in the waters. It didn't seem right, something was missing. She took a long stare at her reflection. Those eyes, those pretty blue eyes, they lacked the energy and carefree-ness that they used to have. 'Is this really me?' She questioned herself. She almost couldn't even recognise herself anymore. The joy, and twinkle in her eye had vanished, and what she now saw in the waters was a picture of emptiness. The emptiness in her heart, she longed for her heart to be filled with love again. But, it was too late, too late to say the words that she had rehearsed time and time again in her mind. It was over, totally over. And there was nothing she could do but stare down at her own reflection, and hit her head over and over again, telling herself how dumb she was. |
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hi, im just a random person sharing my short paragraphs[:i compose best when my mood's in a swirl, and your mind will be in a swirl too after you read my work. dont expect too much cos my language was never good, but hopefully it'll improve after this. cheers, & enjoy[: Footsteps
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